The Painhole

Howdy Kids,

This week, in my never-ending struggle to make Improvs a nicer place for all of us, I want to tackle a subject that has been pulling at me from all directions lately. I want to talk about the game of Freeze. Freeze is probably the most simple improv game in the world. There are no gimmicks, tricks, genres, props, distractions, or anything else but pure improv magic (or hell depending on the week). So why is a game that is so simple to explain so difficult to play correctly? Well, its because its too simple. When we as human beings are presented with a simple task, we have the strange tendancy to try and make it more complicated. Think about your last three relationships and you'll see what I mean. We think, "Oh this game is really simple so I don't have to pay attention to the rules and everything will work out fine." Well that just doesn't cut it. How many times has Louis announced Freeze as the next game and you (and I'm talking to you regulars too) just shut off your brain? We're all guilty of it. Hell, I've been known to shut off my brain in life-threatening situations let alone a simple improv game. So how do we make Freeze better and not something to dread? We listen to the rules as they are set out for us! (Complex problems require simple solutions) :

Rule #1: The Physical Position Rule-

When you call "freeze" from your seat there are two things that should happen (assuming you have been instructed to go on in). The first is that the people on stage have stopped talking and have frozen in the exact physical position they were in when you called freeze. Sounds simple don't it? Well it sure isn't. This hardly ever happens. The people on stage either keep talking or don't stop moving. This is bad because the person in the audience may have had an idea about the physical position you were in. So how do we stop this? Listen. When you are on stage during freeze, it is your responsibility to listen for freeze to be called and make sure your snack-well ass freezes. Its just that simple.

Also the people who call freeze are just as guilty as those on stage. They hardly ever assume the physical position of the person they tag out. Half of the fun of watching freeze is to see what happens when a new story starts from the physical position of the old story. The person who calls freeze must not only start a new story, but explain why they are in the physical position they have assumed. I'll bet alot of you didn't know this did ya? That's because you don't listen. I hate to sound like a mother here, but improvs is nothing unless everyone is listening and that includes the folk in the audience.

Rule #2: The Nib Rule-

Contrary to popular belief, I hate to call nib. Nothing bothers me more than the same old people getting on stage all the time. So why does it seem like the same old people are always getting up for freeze? Well first because its a hard game that they are willing to risk embarrassment for by calling freeze often. But more importantly, they know when to call freeze. I'm going to tell you something very important right now that will save you from ever getting nibbed again. It may just change your life.

When NOT to call freeze:

1."This scene is boring and my scene will be much funnier, I'll call freeze now."

WRONG: Not everyone will be bored just because you're bored. The people on stage probably had to get up alot of courage just to call freeze. Give them a minute or two to get out what they wanted to.

2. "Someone just said something that the whole audience has laughed at,
I'll put a stop to this scene right now and call freeze because they couldn't possibly get any funnier."

WRONG: Guess what. They CAN get funnier. If a scene is actually going well and people are laughing, that is the last time to call freeze. I know that sounds simple and reasonable, but pay attention the next time a scene is going well. As soon as the audience laughs, everyone calls freeze. Its like no one wants a scene in freeze to go really well. And guess what else: It is you calling freeze in the middle of this insanely funny scene that messes it up. Why? Because the chemistry established and the magic of the scene is completely broken by the performers having to stop for your selfish and ill-timed freeze. That's why.

3. "Someone is doing something insulting or disgusting on stage so I'll call freeze and put a stop to this madness right now."

WRONG: Not everyone is insulted or offended by the same things you are. I will never stop a scene because of personal disgust or offence. If a scene is truly disgusting or offensive, they greatest punishment to the person who made it that way is to make them continue in front of a disapproving audience. Then maybe they will think twice next time they call freeze with gross-out ideas in mind. If you think, though, that I'm going to stop a scene because you are offended and want to save us all from this madness, you are wrong. Don't come to improvs anymore. Join the young republicans!

Ok So when do I call freeze?

This is the simplest thing in the world. Pretend the people on stage are telling you a story. They need some time to set up the background of the story. They need some time to give you the action of the story and the conflict contained within the story. When you see them getting to the point when they are about to solve the problem , or reveal the secret, or make up from the fight, or leave the stage, or if you see that there is absolutely no where else for them to go and they are just struggling for something to say, that is the time to call freeze. It is not when you just got a really good idea or when you are offended or when you are bored. The problem with all of those times is that they contain the word "you". They are selfish times to call freeze and you will never get in if that's your motivation. A better time to call freeze is when "they" can't go any further without ending the scene or solving the problem. See the difference?

Hoping freeze will go better this
week and that people will stop
giving me shit for nibbing,
Ben
Producer: FNI

ps. I hate to get so preachy, but it needed to be said.

Email:Ben