The Painhole

Hidey-Ho Improv Neighbors!

First, a brief note on last week's Hole: I was kind of disappointed about the response to last week's column. I hardly got any feedback (with the noted exceptions of Kris, Max, and Tom who's wonderful suggestions may be found in the Hot Rim). This really makes me scratch my head and wonder about you female types. I know that there are a couple of women who have been feeling alienated at Provs and this really bothers me. The fact that hardly anyone responded with suggestions as to how to make things better only leads me to draw some harsh conclusions: Either (1) You don't care enough to respond, (2) You don't feel left out, (3) No one reads my column, or (4) Kris, Max, and Tom put your feelings into words better than you could. I really don't know which, if any, of these are true, but I hope someday I will spark up enough controversy for you to write in. Remember that if you feel uncomfortable writing in to the home page for everyone to see, you can always click on my name at the bottom of this column and write directly to me. Submissions to me are not posted and are kept strictly confidential and I even write back (ask anyone). Anyway I hope that this week, some of you will sign-up for the improv buddy night to be held on Friday, April 10th or at least write in with some suggestions as to how to make improvs better for women. Also, if anyone (not just the women) wants to sign up for buddy night, or needs more information, write to me by clicking on my name at the bottom of this column or see me at Provs this week.

Now, on to this week's Hole:

Denial aint just a river in Egypt!

 

There is something about this time of year that makes me horney. Maybe its the lusty scent of newly budded flowers bursting out of their winter prison of earth. Maybe its the warm breezes blowing softly through my freshly cracked window whispering in my ear like a woman on the make, calling to me to come out and dance. More likely, though, its the fact that after six long months, I'm seeing chicks in shorts again. Now you may say, "Ben, what in the hell does this have to do with Improvs or how you are striving to make it a better place?" Well, I'll tell you. I am a lazy fuck in very way. I would take the easy way out of a connect the dots picture. In fact, I am almost completely unmotivated. The only time I ever want to do anything useful is when I have pent-up aggression that must be channeled to other activities besides murder or tiddley-winks. Well, the fact that I am starting to get my spring itch makes me want to start to tidy up a few things and that includes Improvs. Thus, this week begins a series of columns on the finer points of Improving. So we will begin with Denial.

You may ask yourself, "What is denial?" (And you may ask yourself where is my beautiful house? Where is my beautiful wife? And you may say to yourself, my god, what have I done?) Oops, sorry, that's a Talking Heads song, not a helpful column. See what I mean about getting distracted by the lusty breezes? Oh yeah, I was talking about denial. Denial is the worst thing you can do in an improv scene. It kills a scene and your partner's idea. An Example:

(Scene Begins)
Player 1: "Look Buddy, a giant hot dog is eating our town!"
Player 2: "That's not a hot dog and we are in the middle of the woods."

Player 2 has just killed an improv scene. Player 2 is not a bad person. He/She (She? Yeah right. See last week's column) just isn't an experienced improver. It is a natural human tendency that the first thing that usually pops into your head when you can't think of anything else to say is the diametric opposite of what your conversational partner just said. Just ask any hack undergrad psych student who's ever had to do a free association test and they'll tell you I'm right. The only thing is that while that may be fine for everyday life (if you enjoy starting arguments with total strangers or passing psychological exams), it is not ok in an improv scene. When someone takes the initiative with you on stage and starts a scene, it is your job simply to agree and add to his/her (hah!) idea. This is what experienced improvers call "Yes/And" and its kind of like being in a relationship. When your partner says something, you must not deny his/her(if you're getting tired of these snide parentheticals, get up on stage you lazy wench) idea or you risk a really bad scene. To truly make improv magic, there must be a give and take established between the players on stage. This means that if your partner says you're in a Walmart, then dammit, you're in a Walmart. If your partner asks you for that hammer that you always carry around, you have it in your pocket. If your partner says your car needs gas, you pull over. Its really pretty simple, but while doing a scene, it becomes difficult because denial is the easiest way to come up with a next line.

Now at this point you may be saying, "Ben, this sounds like it would make for a pretty boring scene. I mean, am I just supposed to stand there and agree with everything my partner says? Where's the conflict? Where's the tension? Where's the passion?" You sound like my ex-girlfriends. I'm not saying there can't be conflict in a scene. Conflict all you want. Just don't deny your partners ability to set up an environment and an identity from which the action of the scene must be driven. Make the conflict stem from something in the environment blocking your character's goal in the scene or from something out of the past relationship between your two characters. Just don't argue about simple things that will only drive the scene forward and allow you to have a more definite sense of the environment in which you are playing. And no, you don't just have to stand there and agree. You also have to add something. Here's an example that would make for a good scene:

Player 1: "Look buddy, a giant hotdog is eating our town!"
Player 2: "Yes it is, but luckily I brought along my giant roasting stick and barbeque pit just in case of such an eventuality."

In this case, Player 2 has not only accepted the relationship and environment Player 1 has set up for the scene, but added to the scene by setting up further intrigue and showing us just how the characters are going to get out of this predicament. If player 2 wanted instead to set up some conflict, he/she(I don't think I even need to say it) may say something like, "Yeah a hotdog is eating our town, but you cheated on me and we are going to have this out right now." or "Yeah and the sun is about to set and without a light source, the hotdog will use its night vision to hunt us down like animals." The difference here between these responses and the bad denial response (above) is subtle but important. In neither of the two alternative non-denial, conflict-establishing responses did player two deny what player one has set up. Player 2 just made it a little bit more difficult for them to save the town. You see the difference? Good! Now stop reading this, go outside and enjoy the nice weather and find yourself a wonderful person to share a sunset with. I mean really, reading a hack improv column on a nice spring day like this. You should be ashamed. No wonder you don't have a boy/girl-friend. Jeez, its pathetic.

Remember I love you
and I just want to
see you strive to
improve yourself,

Ben
Producer
FNI

ps.

I know this column is hard to understand, but read it again. You'll get it. Also, write to me, even if its just to say hi. I'm lonely and pathetic and I'm getting to think the only people who read this are people who don't need to. I just ended a sentence in a preposition. My mom would be mad. I'm a bad person. I need to be spanked. Can you help?